On roller coasters, naps, resilience, and the
problem with happiness...
Your new book is called I Love Mondays. Is that true, and why?
It is absolutely true. Yes, I love waking up a little later on weekends now that my daughter is eight years old (she's an early riser, and we have a rule that she can't wake me before 8 AM), and I enjoy the unstructured time and possibilities of weekends with my family. However, come Monday, I'm always ready to start up at work again. Like so many women I interviewed for the book, I crave problem-solving with other adults about issues I care about; concocting plans I know I can execute successfully (not always the case with parenting!), getting lost in something I'm passionate about, and retaining a piece of my identity that is all my own. In spite of all the headaches and heartaches of juggling work and family, I appreciate how lucky I am to enjoy Monday morning, which was not always the case.
What do you like making better - books or films?
That's like asking, "Do you like beaches or roller coasters better?" Both! I've been writing since I was little and even had an "office" in my closet to jot down my super important ideas (like who was cooler, Betty or Veronica). Writing is comfortable for me, and my go-to place for finding clarity. The process of making documentaries is often messy and confusing because you have to be open to where the story takes you and can't map it all out beforehand. It means giving up some control BUT going out of my comfort zone in this way has forced me to grow - not just as a filmmaker but as a human.
What's the common theme in your projects?
I like to help girls and women figure out with intention what works for them in their lives, whether it's parenting, navigating being single, creating stronger friendships, handling conflict directly, etc. There's so much pressure to look and act a certain way in our society, and it's easy to get swept up in thinking there's a right way to do things. It's bogus. We have to figure out what's best for ourselves, and that means blocking out all the noise and learning how to really check in internally. There is immense satisfaction in living with our eyes wide open; but that does call for effort.
You spent a lot of time examining "happily ever after" for your book & documentary Seeking Happily Ever After. What did you learn?
One of the most important things I learned is that we've got to get over our obsession with "happy" in our culture. It's an emotion, and a fleeting one at that. It's ridiculous to make our goal "finding happiness," because it's unsustainable and unnatural. I think a far better goal for women (and everyone) is resilience. Fulfillment comes from learning how to ride the ups and downs of life--and knowing we can get through the downs without sinking too far. There are always going to be emotional hurdles; resilience is knowing in your heart of hearts you can get past them. It also means relishing in the happiness when you have it without worrying about when it will disappear.
I also learned that we have to talk to girls early on about "happily ever after." We don't have to ban fairy tales and princess stories but we should talk about them after our girls watch them and ask questions: What did you think about that story? Did you think the princess was interesting? Why or why not? What do you think her life will be like now? The point isn't to trash talk the fairy tales but rather to to get girls to start thinking early about some of the messages they're bombarded with, which can segue into conversations about what they want for themselves.
Back to resilience--how do we create it for ourselves?
When we get through a rough patch, we don't say, "Whew, glad that's over" and rush on to the next thing. We stop and take stock of how we got through it...what worked and didn't work, and what we might do differently next time. When we have moments we are proud of (whether it's not succumbing to peer pressure, or baking muffins without burning down the kitchen), we stop and celebrate our small victory. We go through our lives open and aware.
What might surprise people about you?
I often sneak in a 20-minute nap at around 3 pm each day. I refuse to call it a "power nap." It is the exact opposite. It's a "surrender nap"-- and it keeps me more productive (and more pleasant).
It is absolutely true. Yes, I love waking up a little later on weekends now that my daughter is eight years old (she's an early riser, and we have a rule that she can't wake me before 8 AM), and I enjoy the unstructured time and possibilities of weekends with my family. However, come Monday, I'm always ready to start up at work again. Like so many women I interviewed for the book, I crave problem-solving with other adults about issues I care about; concocting plans I know I can execute successfully (not always the case with parenting!), getting lost in something I'm passionate about, and retaining a piece of my identity that is all my own. In spite of all the headaches and heartaches of juggling work and family, I appreciate how lucky I am to enjoy Monday morning, which was not always the case.
What do you like making better - books or films?
That's like asking, "Do you like beaches or roller coasters better?" Both! I've been writing since I was little and even had an "office" in my closet to jot down my super important ideas (like who was cooler, Betty or Veronica). Writing is comfortable for me, and my go-to place for finding clarity. The process of making documentaries is often messy and confusing because you have to be open to where the story takes you and can't map it all out beforehand. It means giving up some control BUT going out of my comfort zone in this way has forced me to grow - not just as a filmmaker but as a human.
What's the common theme in your projects?
I like to help girls and women figure out with intention what works for them in their lives, whether it's parenting, navigating being single, creating stronger friendships, handling conflict directly, etc. There's so much pressure to look and act a certain way in our society, and it's easy to get swept up in thinking there's a right way to do things. It's bogus. We have to figure out what's best for ourselves, and that means blocking out all the noise and learning how to really check in internally. There is immense satisfaction in living with our eyes wide open; but that does call for effort.
You spent a lot of time examining "happily ever after" for your book & documentary Seeking Happily Ever After. What did you learn?
One of the most important things I learned is that we've got to get over our obsession with "happy" in our culture. It's an emotion, and a fleeting one at that. It's ridiculous to make our goal "finding happiness," because it's unsustainable and unnatural. I think a far better goal for women (and everyone) is resilience. Fulfillment comes from learning how to ride the ups and downs of life--and knowing we can get through the downs without sinking too far. There are always going to be emotional hurdles; resilience is knowing in your heart of hearts you can get past them. It also means relishing in the happiness when you have it without worrying about when it will disappear.
I also learned that we have to talk to girls early on about "happily ever after." We don't have to ban fairy tales and princess stories but we should talk about them after our girls watch them and ask questions: What did you think about that story? Did you think the princess was interesting? Why or why not? What do you think her life will be like now? The point isn't to trash talk the fairy tales but rather to to get girls to start thinking early about some of the messages they're bombarded with, which can segue into conversations about what they want for themselves.
Back to resilience--how do we create it for ourselves?
When we get through a rough patch, we don't say, "Whew, glad that's over" and rush on to the next thing. We stop and take stock of how we got through it...what worked and didn't work, and what we might do differently next time. When we have moments we are proud of (whether it's not succumbing to peer pressure, or baking muffins without burning down the kitchen), we stop and celebrate our small victory. We go through our lives open and aware.
What might surprise people about you?
I often sneak in a 20-minute nap at around 3 pm each day. I refuse to call it a "power nap." It is the exact opposite. It's a "surrender nap"-- and it keeps me more productive (and more pleasant).
